Impact of Discipleship: Ally Howard
“I didn’t know what it meant to be saved”
I think I should start off with a bit of a background of my life before Christ and discipleship so that you can understand how it impacted me. My freshman year of high school I started to have suicidal thoughts. I went a year and a half without telling anyone that I had struggled with those thoughts daily. My sophomore year rolled around, and the thoughts were becoming more intrusive. I would try to drown out the thoughts by watching movies or singing songs repeatedly in my head until I got so bored that I fell asleep. One day in mid-September I had a massive panic attack at school and told my counselor that if I went home after school, I would probably commit suicide. They sent me to a 15-day outpatient program. Here they taught me to cope with my thoughts and distract myself with other things. My coping skills for the rest of high school were movies, sports, and puzzles. But when I got to college, my coping skills turned into drinking alcohol and relationships.
I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour my second semester of college. The first week of the fall semester, two ladies were evangelizing on campus. They asked if I was a Christian and I said yes. But that was based solely on the fact that I grew up in a nominal Christian household. I had never believed on Christ as my Lord and Saviour and still pursued after the things of this world. They invited me to their bible study, which happened to be Gabby Pietrogiovanna’s bible study, and I grabbed snow cones with one of them later that week. It was three weeks later that I decided I was going to try out their bible study. However, that night they were going out and evangelizing on UMKC’s campus. I don’t remember why I decided to go with them, but I am incredibly grateful I did. One of the ladies was sharing the gospel with an Indian international student, and when they had finished the conversation, she walked over to me and asked if I was saved. I didn’t know what it meant to be saved. She shared the gospel with me and I repented of my sin and asked God for salvation. About five months later, I was paired with Gabby for discipleship. About three weeks after our pairing, the UMKC campus was shut down due to Covid and I had to go back home because the dorms were closed.
Being back home in St. Louis was hard. I was away from the body for about four months, and the first four months of discipleship were on zoom. My family constantly reminded me of my past mistakes and talked about them as if I was still bound to them. But discipleship and the Word of God taught me that I was free from those things and no longer a slave to them. I watched as my family claimed the Christian faith, but there was never any evidence of them living it out. I was faced with the decision of whether or not I would also be like them or if I would be a disciple indeed. My family’s lifestyle made it hard for me to choose Christ above all else. There were many uncomfortable conversations with my family about my choosing to zoom Bible study, church, or discipleship over watching movies with them. But discipleship and the Word of God taught me that I should be more concerned about pleasing God than my family. So Gabby and I continued to pray that I would soon be allowed to come back to Kansas City, and after those four months I was able to be back with the body. Praise the Lord!
“Discipleship taught me to bring my thoughts into captivity to the obedience of God”
Throughout discipleship, Satan attacked my thoughts. I would deal with thoughts about wanting to run away from everything, wanting to drown everything out with alcohol, wanting to return to the things of my past, and much more. I knew these things were not of God and wouldn’t actually help, so Gabby showed me 2 Corinthians 10:5 “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” and Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things”. Whenever a thought or lie from Satan would come up, I would think on these things from Philippians 4:8 and I realized these things describe God and His Word.
I also started writing down the discipleship memory verses on notecards and would memorize them so that when I was in a place where I couldn’t sit down and open up the Bible, I could immediately replace a thought with a verse from the Word. Something that was worthy of thought and praise. Something that was true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and virtuous. I started to use the Word of God as my weapon against the devices Satan would try to tempt me with, just like Christ did in Matthew 4:1-11. Discipleship taught me to bring my thoughts into captivity to the obedience of God. It taught me that instead of replacing them or distracting myself with other worldly things, I needed to replace them with the truth of the Word of God.
Before discipleship, God’s Word was something I went to occasionally and usually only when I felt like I was in dire need of it. Discipleship showed me that I needed God’s Word every day no matter how I felt.
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Psa 1:2 But his delight [is] in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
“I wanted to have His Word hidden in my heart like this psalmist”
During discipleship, we studied Psalm 119 together. Throughout it you can see the psalmist’s love for God’s Word. It’s 176 verses talking about how awesome God’s Word is and the impact it has had on this psalmist’s walk with God. It was through this psalm and discipleship where I fell in love with the Word of God and the God of the Word. I wanted to praise God for His Word like this psalmist. I wanted to have His Word hidden in my heart like this psalmist. And I wanted to love His Word above fine gold like this psalmist.
Psa 119:2 Blessed [are] they that keep his testimonies, [and that] seek him with the whole heart.
Psa 119:92 Unless thy law [had been] my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction. 93 I will never forget thy precepts: for with them thou hast quickened me.
Through discipleship and Bible study, I got to see Gabby’s genuine love for God and His Word. I am thankful for her investment of God’s Word into me, her patience and long suffering, and the example she was of what it looks like to be a woman who loves God and His Word.
Ally Howard is a member of Midtown Baptist Temple and is a part of C&YA. She is a part of the Tuesday Night Meal team and C&YA Hospitality. She also is involved in the UMKC Medical Campus women’s Bible study.
